Monday, June 6, 2011

Evil Weekend From Hell....

OY - this weekend was a nightmare. Friday started out REALLY well for nutrition. Friday afternoon, I got a call from one of my best friends (who is practically family) that he is having a family emergency. His mom's BF of 4+ years is in the hospital and the prognosis isn't good. On top of this, he is 3 months away from his wedding day AND having severe plumbing issues in his house (his landlord actually suggested he moves off the property because the issue is so bad, but with everything else it just probably isn't going to happen until after the wedding).

So on Friday, after work - I picked up my stepson, ran to the grocery store and bought stuff to make him, his mom, his fiance & her daughter dinner. I didn't want them to stress about trying to cook food on top of everything else. I made homemade lasagna - which overall wasn't TOO nutritionally poor (I used skim ricotta, veggie filled tomato sauce etc), but it definitely wasn't the vegan nutrition I was shooting for - plus I succumbed to stress eating that day...go me....

The only thing I can do to alleviate his stress is to help with the wedding stuff - so now I've taken on almost EVERYTHING to do with the wedding while he and his fiance focus on spending the necessary time with their family. Granted, I don't mind this, its something I think is really fun - it just makes things super busy for me

Also - on top of all that, I had a falling out with the owner of one of the gyms I train & lead Zumba classes at. We had a severe conflict of interest and it was aparent that I needed to move on. So this past weekend I held my last class there and that was just additional stress and drama that made the whole situation worse. I would go into further detail about why I left - but overall, it was no longer a safe environment for me and my classes. I needed to leave....I didn't need the stress....

Nutrition was overall yucky this whole weekend. I am back on track again today and hope to have a realistic weigh in by this weekend. Right now I have a horrid amount of water weight and I feel horribly squishy. The only workouts I've done are for my Zumba classes. I spent 2 hours on Saturday coming up with new choreography, but didn't get as far along as I wanted to (boo!) so I'm not sure if I'll be able to debut either of those tonight or not. I am not 100% confident in myself with these new songs yet, so I might wait until next week to roll them out.

The hubby wanted to start his workout plan today as well - so hopefully it will be easier for us to get through all this together. I'm honestly tempted to become a hermit for the next few months until I'm satisfied with the weight I've dropped. I'm tired of maintaining right now. I am ready to reach my goals - however it seems like others don't understand what that involves. I am truly tempted to post ALL over Facebook that I am going Vegan until my birthday (end of July) just so EVERYONE knows that I'm not going to be eating crap food anymore and stops putting me in situations where I'm around food I shouldn't be eating - I know its my responsibility to hold myself accountable too, but its hard if we visit a friend and all they have for dinner is pizza & beer. I always feel really rude if I bring my own food, but it seriously might have to come to that at this point

I'm tired of feeling sick and yucky. I'm tired of not sleeping well. I'm tired of feeling horrid in my own skin. I'm tired of always feeling like the fat girl - even if I'm not. I've been in situations where I am SO much more confident with my body - and this is definitely NOT one of those moments. I'm having a bad self esteem day today...hopefully this will turn around tomorrow. The evil demons in my brain are screaming much louder than they normally do - I can't shut them off. AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment