An "Ah-Ha" Moment...

So I had an "ah-ha" moment last night while the hubby and I were watching the Biggest Loser (eating delivery pizza & chicken wings BTW - yum!) - yes, I know it was a day late, I worked on Tuesday night, so we watched it on the DVR last night. But before I get to my breakthrough moment AND before you scold me about my food choices - I woke up this morning LIGHTER than I was yesterday! haha! I was 177lbs this morning after eating whatever I wanted yesterday (which also included a DQ blizzard because it was 88+ degrees outside!!)! haha!

Now - on to "ah-ha" moment! After my vegan adventures in February, I've been struggling for a few months with cutting weight since I re-integrated Omnivore foods back into my diet. I keep telling myself - I've dropped weight before (on a non-vegan diet)....WHY am I struggling SO much to drop weight now? Why can't I keep myself on track? Why do I SO easily cheat on nutrition (exercise isn't an issue for me)??? Well yesterday I think I got my answer....

Its BECAUSE I've dropped weight before! Its BECAUSE I'm maintaining a loss of 40lbs consistently. Its BECAUSE I know what I'm capable of when it comes to weight loss!

Okay - now I'm sure you're going WTF is wrong with this girl??? But hear me out for a sec -

I realized last night while watching Hannah and Olivia (both amazing women) on the BL that their ability to keep pushing forward was BECAUSE they are in uncharted territory. Everything is new and unknown to them. I've already gone through these challenges and learned to overcome them - I know what that feels like...so now its just routine for me - where is the mystery and excitement that those 2 women have that I seem to be lacking??? I am adventurous, fearless and gutsy in almost every other aspect of my life - why is dropping weight so monotonous and routine and virtually impossible???

I really think that since I've already dropped so much weight and gone through this for SO long, my brain will now allow me to rationalize cheat meals (or sometimes cheat weeks). Its the mindset of "oh I really don't have THAT much farther to go (around 16lbs)" and "I've already worked SO hard, one splurge won't make a difference" of my favorite "my body seems to be maintaining or sometimes loosing when I eat crap food, so its okay to eat crap food occasionally, especially if I've been 'good' all week". I really think the mentality of "I've already maintained a weight loss of over 40 pounds for over a year and a half" is becoming destructive to my further weight loss efforts.

So what in the world am I going to do to fix this - I'm thinking that it will be easier to hold myself accountable if I change my thinking and "fix" my brain to think differently. I can't really change much about my fitness levels...they are exactly where they need to be and I physically don't have the time or energy to take on more (I'm teaching fitness classes 5 days a week plus working a 40 hr/week job AND trying to have a small social life with hubby and friends!). I know how to eat right - I've done it before. So my "Diet Ninja of Destruction" is all mental at this point.

So what if I use some ninja tactics myself and I choose to NOT attack the obvious??? What if I shift my thinking from "this should be easy, I've done it before" to "I'm starting at square one" and "This is the beginning of a new phase"?? Maybe I'll be more motivated to stay on track because I CAN'T use the excuses of "I'm already close" or "I am already a size 6 maybe I should be happy where I'm at". THIS will be my starting point. All negative connotations aside (because I *AM* extremely proud of how far I've come) - if I make this my "rock bottom" then I can only go up from here. I think if I view this as starting over fresh I'll be more motivated to really push to reach my goals. I know that this is a long winded "ah-ha" moment and I'm sure that makes no sense to anyone but myself, but once again - that's how my brain works

When I look at my progress in the long term - of course I will see the entire journey from almost 220 pounds down to whatever my happy weight is....but for now, I am going to view this as an entirely new journey with entirely new struggles and challenges. I won't change anything OTHER than my mentality - I know HOW to eat well and I exercise ALL the time - at this point I really think its my brain that needs fixing. I need to get excited again about the appeal of seeing my abs, not jiggling during Zumba class (except in the areas that are *supposed* to!), being able to rock a bikini at a moment's notice and feeling comfortable in ALL aspects of my life...and that is truly unknown territory for me. The ultimate goal of dropping weight is NOW to push myself farther than I ever have before mentally and I think the physical changes will come with it. Changing the mind prior to changing the body....this is the appeal and this is the mystery for me.

Thanks for reading my long-winded and totally random thought process about mental issues and "Diet Ninjas of Destruction".