Alrighty - so here I am - trying to get my head on straight. I've been working on de-stressing myself for the past few weeks and I'm thinking things are finally improving. I'm still reading like a crazy person - I'm up to 113 books this year so far & think I need to update my 2012 Goal on goodreads (which is currently 150 books!) I am loving the release & peace that comes from losing myself in a good book.

In other news - I cut my hair this weekend, just to even out all the length while it grows out. I also was getting bored with the color - I swear the changed the formulas of the reds that I used to use...they just don't last as long and aren't as vibrant as I remember. So now my hair is a nice chocolate reddish brown - which makes my eyes super green. I'm enjoying it!

I deleted my Spark account. I decided that my success shouldn't matter on how supportive someone else is (though I love the positivity I get from my friends & family) - I found that I would feel pressured to track, label & push myself to count calories, SparkPoints, blog & update consistently. I was getting obsessive. Since I deleted the account, I feel better and I haven't regretted that choice. I met some incredible people on Spark who are now my friends on Facebook - now I can keep in touch with them there.

OH and Deanna - thank you SO much for your amazing comments!! Blogger is stupid and I can't respond directly to your posts, but I read each and every one of them!! It seems like we are in a similar place with tracking (or actually not tracking) things!!! I'm glad I found you on FB so we can still chat even though I'm not on Spark anymore!!

I've also stopped wearing my BodyBugg & Heart Rate Monitors - now I workout & move for the joy it brings me, not because of anything else. I love the strength I get from my workouts and I don't need a damn machine telling me whether or not I've been successful. The only thing I'm tracking now is my running mileage (simply because that makes it easier for me to figure out when I need new running shoes and because I'm proud of those miles - I earn every single one of them!)

I got my nutrition back on track today & picked up some cookbooks to help keep me on track. I've had the stupidest craving for Shepherd's Pie & Irish Soda Bread (perhaps because I'm reading books set in England & Scotland???) so I'll be making a healthy version one of these nights. I also raided Costco and their amazing produce section - I got watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew, king fisher melons, mangos, plums, kiwis, strawberries, purple grapes, raspberries, blackberries, pineapple, asparagus & snow peas!! I am so excited!! I will be attacking all those melons this afternoon so that they're all prepped & ready for lunches this week. I love summer & all the wonderful fruits & veggies out this time of year!!!

I hit the treadmill at lunch today as well - this did WONDERS for my mood & I feel incredible after it. I haven't regularly ran in weeks, so I wasn't sure what workout I wanted to do - so I started out with Week 4 Workout 1 and it worked great. I went fast enough to push myself, but it wasn't overly strenuous either. I ran at a nice 12 min mile pace (except for the last 2 mins which was a 10 min mile pace) - it made me happy and brought me SO much joy! I am tempted to sneak away and run another mile on my last break today

Warm Up
Run for 3 minutes at 5.0 MPH
Walk for 90 Seconds at 3.5 MPH
Run for 5 minutes at 5.0 MPH
Walk for 3 minutes at 3.5 MPH
Run for 3 minutes at 5.0 MPH
Walk for 90 Seconds at 3.5 MPH
Run for 5 minutes (first 3 minutes were 5.0 MPH and last 2 minutes were 6.0 MPH)
Cool Down

Total Distance: 1.75 miles
Total Time 23 Minutes
Total Calories Burned: I don't give a shi*t - I don't bother tracking that anymore, now I just run for the joy of it!

I am enjoying where life is taking me now - for the first time in a long time, I'm comfortable with who I am and what I'm capable of. That doesn't mean that I still won't strive for my best self, but it means that I'm going to be enjoying the journey for once.

Miles Ran Towards A Better Me in 2012: 14.9 Miles
Total Amount of Joy I've Found From My Running Shoes: Priceless!!!!